This week is Valentine’s week and some people think that this holiday was somehow concocted by the gift industry. I am not going to look up the origins of Valentine’s Day because I have a packed day and just don’t feel like it. Too honest? (It’s a blog, get over it!)

I am 33 and if you have been keeping up with this blog, then you know I’m having a strong desire to find love. I always thought of myself as a romantic. Heck, my book is called “Love Your Life and It Will Love You Back.” A clue? I feel that it is time for me to start looking for romance. I just moved into my first house and before this, I always came up with the excuse that I am not ready because I don’t have my business where I want it or my living conditions are not ideal, but with the great windfall that my family went through, those excuses are gone. In fact, one of the biggest factors that influenced me moving out of my parent’s house and into my own place was the fact that I want to show a woman that I’m independent and live my own life.

In 2005, I met my ex on match.com. We dated for a year and even talked about marriage. At that point, I just started my own company and she was ready to have kids right away. The year that I dated her was probably the most fun I ever had. In the end, it came down to the fact that I couldn’t give her a family right away. By the way, if I had kids, they would not turn out disabled. I just had to put that out there because I never know who’s reading this blog—maybe the love of my life. Unfortunately, the more time that goes by, the more and more I think it’s a one-time relationship. Just like that. I am scared, truly scared.

I have not given up on love yet. The fact is that I am more than positive that love is out there for everybody, including me, but finding it—well, that’s a whole different story. I take time every day to communicate with women on match.com and this time I don’t want to give up. So, every day I email three women a day and see what happens. I will not email women today, on Valentine’s Day, because that would look a little creepy and I want to play it cool.

The dilemma that I have is how do I broach my disability? Right now I have a paragraph on my match.com profile about it. I am afraid that talking about my disability scares people off because they are afraid to deal with something new. Two weeks ago, I emailed this girl and I got a response back. She said that she met a guy but loved my book. Can you believe I got fan mail on match.com? I don’t want fan mail. I want a date! I decided to write her a long email asking her what she thought of my profile because in her email she asked how match.com was working out for me. I wrote the email more for myself than for her, but to my surprise, she actually said to take that paragraph out because that’s not who I am. I have two strong thoughts on that. First, that is who I am. As much as I want to deny it, it’s who I am. As much as my ethnicity influences the way I think and who I am, my disability affects those same things and will affect the woman that I end up with. Some negative and some positive. Like the parking thing. To be serious, I have achieved a level of intimacy with everyone I come across because of my disability and it’s a beautiful thing.

I am afraid that if I don’t put anything on my profile about my disability, I will start talking to a girl and about four or five emails later I will mention my disability and then all of a sudden…nothing. I know myself and that would hurt like heck.

Last night, I went to The Four Seasons with my buddy Arash and there was a group of women sitting there and I started talking to them. For some reason, one of them was really interested in my disability and she wanted to have a conversation with me, but for some reason or another it seemed like she got tired of talking to me. It hurts. I gave her my card and tried to get her email address but she told me she would email me.

This morning I got no email.

To be honest, I am very frustrated and scared right now but I’m also excited because I can’t wait. I have lived with that dichotomy every single day since I was 20. On one hand, I am scared. On the other hand, I can’t wait to go out and live life.

Tonight I will spend Valentine’s Day with my roommate and best friend for 25 years watching the Lakers game and eating great food, wondering what I will be doing Valentine’s Day 2012.

Timelapse - Lighthouse (Oct 2012) from IMK Digital Multimedia on Vimeo.